The following is a mix of both proven (don't ask) and hypothetical ways to put one's proverbial spousal combat boot into one's mouth. Whatever you do, do NOT try these at home:
- "When is our wedding anniversary again?"
- "I think I'll sell your car while your gone."
- "Hey, cool---did you know that we're getting the Military Channel free this month?"
- "I think I'll get a new dog while you're gone."
- "By the way, there's a rumor that we won't be getting mid-tour leave ..."
- "I just got volunteered for extra duty the next four weekends before Mobilization-Day. You and the kids won't mind, right?"
- "Don't bother making travel plans while I'm at Mobilization station--I'll probably just hang out in Vegas with the guys on our 4-day pass."
- "Just remember, it's going to suck more for me than it will for you and the kids."
- "You're going to lose some weight while I'm gone, right?"
- "You're going to lose some weight while you're gone, right?"
- "You'll never believe who looked me up on Facebook last night--my old high school girlfriend!"
I said some of these to my first wife with the appropriate responses. By the way, you don't get frequent admittance discounts at the ER. I did say she is my ex, right?
ReplyDeleteUt-O.
ReplyDeleteI would say forget about 'combat boot in mouth' because that's not where it would be stuck when spouse got done shoven.
Just sayin
Miss Em
How about "you don't mind if I call that hunk of a contractor and remodel the whole kitchen and bathrooms while your gone, do you"?
ReplyDeleteNever join bank accounts and let her know your saving money for a house so you and the wife can move into when she gets back. She will play it to the day she gets back robotics your Ass and have a kid with her platoon member 8 months yes I said 8...remarrie and still end up with the 30 grand you saved the car and all the other crap... Sigh I feel better
ReplyDelete