You Might Be a Red Bull If ...

With apologies and obvious credit to Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a Red Bull if ..."

• You've ever used the phrases "thinking outside the box" and "going outside the wire" in the same sentence.

• You have ever declared "all collaborators should be shot" while working in an allegedly collaborative staff environment.

• You have ever ended a military brief with "That's all, folks!"

• You have ever uttered the words "blowed up real good" in a military briefing.

• You think a "good year" toward retirement requires least one deployment for natural disaster, national emergency, or presidential inauguration.

• You have ever painted a bovine skull fire-engine red with the intention of hanging it as an interior accent to your home or office décor.

• You have ever "gone mudding" while driving a camouflaged vehicle.

• You think the success of any "Air Assault" is determined by whether or not you can walk away from the landing site.

• You have a Facebook-SIPR account.

• You have "high score" on any unauthorized video game installed on a tactical computer system.

• You have ever called for fire during a game of Pocket Tanks.

• You believe the "LOGPAC Fairy" magically delivers all classes of supply--all you have to do is wish hard enough.

• You believe that Two Guys Making Plans (T.G.M.P.) is often more effective than Military Decision-Making Process (M.D.M.P.).

• You have ever consumed two or more of the following in one 60-minute period: chew, cigarettes, energy drinks, coffee.

• You know what your "combat load" and "maintenance dosage" are for any of the previously mentioned products.

• You listen to NASCAR on Armed Forces Radio.

• You have gotten a "combat patch" tattoo prior to being authorized to wear that particular insignia on your uniform.

• You have ever used "inshallah mañana" as a course of action.

• You have named your rifle after a prize-winning animal at the Iowa State Fair.

• You have ever fantasized about choking someone with a reflective safety belt.

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Got more ideas? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments section of this post!