Have Yourself a Sherpa Family Christmas!

OPORD 12-2013: "OPERATION REINDEER GAMES" ... ALL TIMES SIERRA

I. SITUATION: TASK FORCE SHERPA continues holiday sustainment operations vicinity FOB LIVINGROOM.

1. Enemy Forces: 

Refer to Appendix X, "Naughty List." 

2. Friendly Forces / Attachments: 

a. One (1) soldier, callsign "SCOOP," from TF GI-JOE Mobile Public Affairs Detachment, location OP ELFONSHELF.  

b. One (1) Pathfinder-qualified soldier from 1225th Special Operations Aviation Regiment ("The Night-stockers"), callsign "RUDOLPH," location AO ROOFTOP.

c. Five (1) soldiers from 334th Brigade Support Battalion, 2-34th BCT attached as Forward Logistics Elf Element (FLEE), callsign "WORKSHOP," location AO UNDERTREE.

d. Ten (10) 03s-a-leaping from HHC, 2-34th BCT attached as command-and-control cell.

PHOTO: 34th Combat Aviation Brigade, Minn. Army National Guard

3. Weather and Terrain: 

High of 29 degrees Fahrenheit; low of 18 degrees. No effects on current snow cover. Condition WHITE for sleigh-borne operations.

4. Illumination:

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow will give the lustre of mid-day to objects below. Moonrise is 250005DEC13; peak illumination is 53 percent. Civil twilight is 250710DEC13. Sunrise is 250742DEC13. 

As noted in After Action Reviews of past holiday ops, however, SUGARPLUM elements have been known to stir well before light conditions warrant, or even Christmas Reveille.

II. MISSION

"TF SHERPA secures LANDING ZONE CHIMNEY NLT 242330DEC13 and conducts resupply via reindeer-drawn miniature sleigh during hours of darkness prior to 250710DEC13. On order, commences opening of presents and distribution of holiday themes and messages."

III. EXECUTION

1. Commander's Intent:

TF SHERPA will conduct safe and secure receipt of Christmas gifts, minimizing boots-on-ground time and distractions for RED-RYDER-6. Endstate is a Happy Christmas to all personnel, and to all a good night.

2. Concept of Operation:

We will start by ceasing all garrison activities, troop movements, and roving patrols beginning 242100DEC13. No personnel should be stirring. Not even a mouse. Stockings will be hung by the objective with care. All SUGARPLUM elements will be nestled all snug in their bunks. 

RED-RYDER-6 will arrive LZ CHIMNEY during hours of darkness, and will successfully evade detection by SUGARPLUM elements and local civilian air-traffic control. 

Following the operation, TF SHERPA personnel will prepare to conduct Key Leader Engagements with both sides of the family. 

Throughout this operation, TF SHERPA personnel will also reinforce themes and messages of "Peace on Earth, goodwill to all" via appropriate official STRATCOM channels, including social media and telephone.

3. Maneuver:

Under no circumstances should unauthorized personnel stir to investigate clatter from exterior areas, including rooftops.

4. Fires:

On order, 1-194th Field Artillery will provide 1.55 cm artillery-delivered tinsel as chaff to defeat detection of TF RED-RYDER by regional air-traffic control radar.

5. Coordinating instructions:

Authorized sleeping uniform is kerchief, cap, or green fleecy hat; MultiCam pajamas; and red-and-white "candy stripe" reflective safety belt. Noise and light discipline will be maintained per SOP. Senior personnel are encouraged to employ red-light headlamps or night-vision devices.

6. Specific instructions:

Headquarters will redeploy public affairs team member SCOOP from OP ELFONSHELF to vicinity LZ CHIMNEY for documentation of gift-giving operations NLT 250700DEC13. Mission focus will be on "telling the Christmas story by telling our Army story."

IV. SERVICE & SUPPORT

1. 334th BSB will provide (1) Meal, Ready-to-Eat to RED-RYDER-6. Ranger cookies and shelf-stable milk are appropriate. On order, also provide one (1) 64 lb. bag of Reindeer Chow.

2. Religious services are 241900DEC13, and 251000DEC13.

V. COMMAND & SIGNAL

1. Location of Key Leaders: 

HOUSEHOLD-6 and HOUSEHOLD-7 will be in the command bunker after 242100DEC13. 

2. Succession of command: 

HOUSEHOLD-6, HOUSEHOLD-7, SUGARPLUM-1, SUGARPLUM-2, and the dog INDIANA. 

3. Callsigns: 

Holiday callsigns are NOT authorized. Under no circumstances should SUGARPLUM elements refer to HOUSEHOLD-6 as "NUTCRACKER-6." The previously published SOI was in error. HOUSEHOLD-7 is very, very sorry. 

4. Challenge / Password for 24DEC13 is: "SMOKE" / "WREATH." 

5. Challenge / Password for 25DEC13 is: "BOWLFUL" / "JELLY." 

6. Running password is "FIGGY PUDDING."

VI. SAFETY

1. Use ground guides when backing reindeer. 

2. Use drip pans and chocks when parking sleighs. 

3. Don't drink nog and drive. 

4. "Safety first, Christmas always."

Here's a Holiday Sampler of Military-Writing News

Prizes and grants, events and humorous book trailers. Here's a round-up of recent military-writing news ...

JOURNALIST BRIAN MOCKENHAUPT WINS $25,000 MICHAEL KELLY AWARD

Freelance journalist Brian Mockenhaupt was recently awarded the 2013 Michael Kelly Award for his independent reporting on U.S. Marines serving in Afghanistan. The award carries a $25,000 prize. Mockenhaupt's award-winning work, "The Living and the Dead," was published online via the Byliner non-fiction writing site.

The award is sponsored by the Atlantic Media Co., in memory of journalist and editor Michael Kelly, who worked there from 1997 until his 2003 death in Iraq.

A former U.S. Army infantry soldier who served two tours in Iraq, Mockenhaupt is a contributor to Outside, Reader's Digest, and Esquire magazines. He was the writer of the 2012 feature-length documentary "High Ground," which tells the story of veterans who overcome physical and mental injuries to attempt climbing a mountain in Nepal. He serves as non-fiction editor for the Journal of Military Experience.

*****

IOWA REVIEW AWARDED GRANT TO INCREASE OUTREACH TO VETERANS

The Iowa Review, a University of Iowa-based literary magazine, has been awarded a $15,000 National Endowment for the Arts grant to support the publication of writing by U.S. military veterans, editors announced recently.

The Iowa Review is published in print three times annually. In 2012, the publication introduced the Jeff Sharlet Memorial Award for Veterans. Award-winning and notable poetry, prose, and artwork by military veterans was featured in the Spring 2013 issue.

According to press materials regarding the grant announcement, the NEA funding will be used to publicize the Jeff Sharlet contest and to expand the number of prizes to be awarded. A website gallery is also planned.

The next contest deadline is May 15, 2014. Details are still pending.

*****

EARLY REGISTRATION TO SAN DIEGO MIL-WRITING EVENT ENDS DEC. 31

The 3-day "Pen and Sword" military writers' conference will take place Jan. 30 to Feb. 2, 2014 at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego, Calif. For earlier Red Bull Rising coverage of the event, click here. Until Dec. 31, early bird registration is $399. Regular conference fee is $499. One-day registrations are $350 each. A conference registration page is here. Attendance is limited to 200 participants.

The conference fee includes lunches and cocktail events, but does not include lodging at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego. Hotel conference rates are available at $129 nightly for single- or double-occupancy.

*****

'FOBBIT' AUTHOR DAVID ABRAMS PRESENTS 'NOT A CHRISTMAS' STORY

David Abrams, author of the 2012 Iraq War novel "Fobbit," recently reposted "This is Not a Christmas Story," a 6,000-word short story published in 2009-2010 by Narrative magazine. (For a Red Bull Rising review of Abrams' "Fobbit," click here.) The "Not-Christmas" story is accessible after registering for a free log-in. Abrams' short fiction also appears in the 2013's "Fire and Forget: Short Stories from the Long War."

The author also recently posted a humorous promotional book trailer that can be viewed via YouTube and below.

'Doctrine Man!!' Kills More Trees, Deflates More Dogma

The creator of the Facebook-based Doctrine Man!! comic has released a second softcover collection of military-themed cartoons, just in time for holiday gift-giving!

Weighing in at 150 pages, Volume 2 of "The Further Adventures of Doctrine Man!!" features nearly 300 full-color comic strips, "Top Ten" lists, and other military madness. The 8.5 x 11-inch format allows the tome to stealthily co-exist with more officious and official doctrinal library materials.

The first "Further Adventures" volume was reviewed on the Red Bull Rising blog last September. The comic was also recognized as part of our 2013 Military Humor Awards.

To help celebrate the second volume, the Red Bull Rising blog released a photo album of "Doctrine Memes!!" that can be shared with friends, enemies, and local centers of influence. Available themes and messages include:

• "Sherpa Says: 'Humor is a Combat Multiplier ...'" (A reference to Sherpatude No. 26.)

• "Have You Read the Latest FRAGO?"

• "You Were Expecting Indiana Jones and the Temple of DM!! ?"

• "They're Real ... and They're Spectacular!"

There's even a "This Space Intentionally Left Blank" version, so that readers can create their own messages! "Collect them all! Trade with your friends!"

For other Doctrine Swag!!, including coffee mugs and calendars, check out the Doctrine Man!! Lair of Mystery store at Zazzle.

TV Sitcom About British EOD Team is the Bomb-diggity

Producers of "Bluestone 42," a 30-minute sitcom about a British Explosive Ordnance Disposal (E.O.D.) team operating in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, have announced a Christmas-themed special will air on December 23.

The 8-episode series debuted in March 2013 on BBC Three. A second season is reportedly also in production for 2014.

Click here for a short teaser video on YouTube. (Note: NOT suitable for work, due to profanity)

The series takes its name from the team's callsign, "Bluestone-Four-Two." The radio-correct pronunciation of "42" is the first of many military details the writers get right. You might even say that "Bluestone-42" has achieved the Holy Grail of military comedy: It's smart, snarky, and smacks of the real deal downrange.

The cast of characters, for example, will be funny and familiar to military veterans: Cpl. Lynda Bird is a hard-charging one-of-the-boys, who takes her job as the squad's electronic countermeasures (E.C.M.) expert—the "bleep"—very seriously. She also has a softer side, however, and develops an emotional attachment to "Arthur" the robot.

Female chaplain Maj. Mary Greenstock fights off the romantic advances of Ammunition Technical Officer Capt. Nick Medhurst, as well as an unhealthy love of gambling, while handing out sweets and spirituality. She also organizes morale-building events.

Cpl. Christian "Millsy" Mills loves to create graphs, After-Action Reports, and paperwork that is both necessary and unnecessary.

Privates "Mac" and "Rocket" pass the downtime by inventing extreme sports such as "Total Fencing Deluxe", or by arguing about topics such as the true purpose of a rifles' bipod grip while on guard duty.

There are more characters, but you get the idea ...

Some of the accents and allied-army jargon are occasionally a bit hard to parse, but the language used in the series has neither been dumbed-down or cleaned-up. It is, in fact, refreshingly realistic. The troops joke openly about bodily functions and self-gratification. They engage in all sorts of ribbing and ribaldry, and often push the joke beyond the tasteful or appropriate. For all the childish behavior, however, the characters also act like soldiers, apologize as necessary, and drive on with the mission.

The vibe, in short, is equal parts "Generation Kill" (2008), "M*A*S*H" (1972), and "Bomb Patrol Afghanistan" (2011).

The show even gets the atmospherics correct: The doors are plywood. The furniture is rubbish. The heat is unbearable. The missions and menus are repetitive. Only your teammates can help you get through the days downrange, and they're being insufferable, too.

Oh, and there's profanity. Lots of profanity. Definitely not suitable for (civilian) work. Some of it is even understandable through all the brogue. And all of it is appropriate.

The BBC Three website offers plenty "Bluetooth 42" promo clips on its website, as well as wonderfully detailed supporting materials. Consider, for example, this gallery of letters from home, or candid shots of the characters.

For fans in the United States, the series is available only as an imported Region 2 DVD. Full episodes might be available, however, through a search of YouTube or other video sites.

January 2014: San Diego Event to Welcome Mil-Writers

Organizers have announced a 3-day military writers' conference that will take place Jan. 30 to Feb. 2, 2014 at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego, Calif. The "Pen and Sword" event involves at least one of the organizers of last year's successful "Sangria Summit" military-writing event in Denver, Colo.

According to on-line promotional materials, the San Diego event is targeted toward "military personnel, veterans, military spouses, and other serious writers interested in finding inspiration and completing their techno-thriller, period piece, biography, fiction, and nonfiction. [...] The weekend will be packed with informative break-out sessions, motivational speakers, and networking opportunities. This conference will focus on one thing–completing the mission of becoming a professional writer."

Speakers currently scheduled include:

• Science-fiction author David Brin
• Fantasy and adventure author James Rollins
• Smashwords e-publisher founder Mark Coker
• Journalist and author Kelly Kennedy
• Broadcast journalist Alex Quade

Instructors currently scheduled include Ron Capps, Jerri Bell, and Dario DiBattista of the Veterans Writing Project, Washington, D.C.

Until Dec. 31, early bird registration is $399. Regular conference fee is $499. One-day registrations are $350 each. A conference registration page is here. Attendance is limited to 200 participants.

The conference fee includes lunches and cocktail events, but does not include lodging at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego. Hotel conference rates are available at $129 nightly for single- or double-occupancy.

Editor's note: While the 2012 Sangria Summit organizers at one time sponsored the Red Bull Rising blog's coverage of military-writing topics, there is no current business relationship between the 2014 Pen and Sword event and this blog.

Milblogging.com Index Adds 'Military History' Category

Milblogging.com, the index of military-themed online journals, has recently added a "Military History" category. The update recognizes that many military writers, family members, and even museums are using online and social media to present diaries, photos, and other materials.

"There’s been a trend over the last few years that’s starting to pick up more now with the popularity of Twitter. However, blogs are also experiencing an uptick," writes Milblogging.com founder and editor Jean-Paul Borda.

"The trend has to do with blogging (or in the case of Twitter, tweeting) about historical events as they happened from the perspective of people who lived them."

Borda notes there have been several online diaries from conflicts dating as far back as the American Civil War. He encourages writers and editors submit links to military-history blogs for inclusion on the Milblogging.com index.

Writer Kurt Greenbaum is using a blog to post the letters of his late uncle Frank D. "Babe" Mauro, who fought in World War II Italy as part of the U.S. 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division. Mauro, who died a few days before the end of the war, always began his letters with "I am well, happy, and safe." Greenbaum's blog takes its name from the salutation.

For a previous Red Bull Rising mention of the "Well, Happy, and Safe" blog, click here.

2nd 'Proud to Be' Delivers New Military Voices, Insights

Review: "Proud to Be: Writing by American Warriors, Vol. 2"

Released in early November 2013, "Proud to Be: Writing by American Warriors, Vol. 2" is a must-read manual on taking down barriers that exist not only among civilians and veterans, but among generations of veterans themselves.

One objective of creative expression—whether poetry, fiction, essay, journalism, photography, or art—is to allow a viewer to encounter new ideas and experiences. Literature and art can make the foreign familiar, or, conversely, re-cast the familiar in fresh ways. As both a contributor and a reader, I'm pleased to report that "Proud to Be, Vol. 2" is full of those surprises and encounters.

The 320-page trade paperback is part of an anthology series published by the Southeast Missouri State University Press, with assistance from the Missouri Humanities Council and the non-profit Warriors Arts Alliance.

This is essential reading for those of us who seek to breach obstacles not only among civilians and veterans, but among generations of veterans themselves. By way of example, here are some insights gained through reading random selections from Volume 2:

Insight No. 1: "Veteran" is not one tribe, but many.

Consider the variety of winning writing (there is a companion contest to the annual anthology) to be found in its pages:

• An essay about a Vietnam War-era B-52 bomber.
• A coming-of-age short story about a Korean War veteran's legacy.
• A poem about a life-saving moment in the Iraq War.
• An interview with a British Land Girl.

That's a lot of time and terrain covered, and an all-eras and -branches choir of veterans' voices.

Additionally, each piece of writing and art is accompanied by a short biography of the author or artist. I enjoyed reading these almost as much as I enjoyed the articles and stories. Learning a little about each creator is itself an opportunity for revelation and reflection; this practice should be copied by the editors of other publications.

That said, future issues of the "Proud to Be" series would be further improved were all of the prose to be explicitly labelled as fiction or non-fiction. Beyond the winners and honorable mentions, readers of this volume are left to categorize each piece on their own, based on clues contained in the biographies.

Of course, borrowing slightly from Tim O'Brien: "All war stories are true."

*****

Insight No. 2: Haircuts are moments of surprising intimacy.

At Fort Knox, Ky., during my basic military training in the late 1980s, one of the guys in my platoon had brought a barber kit from home. On some nights, he'd have a line of us formed up on the barracks stoop, waiting to get our high-and-tights cleaned up enough for the next day's inspection. He didn't take money, but got a great peer-rating out of the deal.

It was a memorable lesson in buddies taking care of buddies.

When deployed to Egypt, I'd make sure to visit the on-post barber shop on specific days of the week. It's a personal thing to ask someone to run their fingers through your hair, after all, and I went only on days when my favorite cutters would be present. Sometimes, a guy was my favorite because he cut well and spoke a little English. Sometimes, it was just because he washed his hands.

On some bases in Afghanistan, reportedly exotic Eastern European women worked in the barber shops and salons. Soldiers would tell punny stories about getting some ... action. Like O'Brien's war stories, all of these stories were true, too.

All of this came to mind while reading a prose-poem by Minneapolis-based writer Charity Tahmaseb. In her work, titled "Land of the Free (Haircuts)," Tahmaseb tells a story of a private moment conducted in public, a haircut between a deployed wife and her equally deployed husband. Despite the close quarters, the sense of separation is almost painful.

[...] Paul sees me and the scissors snap shut.
He holds himself to impossible standards
while in uniform.
No PDA goes without saying,
but if he can run his hands over every single
scalp in Echo Company, there's no reason
he can't touch mine. [...] [p. 200]

Despite (or maybe because of?) my earlier experiences with haircuts in the military, Tahmaseb's words took me to a different place and fresh perspective. I will never again think about haircuts and loneliness in quite the same ways.

That's good writing.

*****

Insight No. 3: The voice at the other end of the conversation hurts, too.

As an Army radio guy working in a Tactical Operations Center ("TOC"), one of my worst fears was the absence of a voice at the distant end. Until the final rush of static, it's all about your connections with the soldiers at the other, more dangerous end of the conversation.

I found echoes of those sentiments in the words of retired Minnesota Air National Guard pilot Eric Chandler, callsign "Shmo." While downrange, a buddy working in an Army TOC once e-mailed Chandler some battle-damage photos from an enemy I.E.D. "As we are often 5 miles away from the excitement in an air-conditioned cockpit, I was curious to see what the guys on the ground see," writes Chandler. "I got an eyeful." [p. 205]

Later, back home in Minnesota, Chandler recounts a sudden emotional reaction to his son's request for a military-theme birthday party:

[...] Shelley said that our son Sam wanted an Army theme for his party. I asked her to explain. She said that there'd be little Army Humvees on the napkins and the cake and that there'd be a piñata in the shape of a Humvee. 

Something about the idea of my son taking a bat to a Humvee, destroying it and having candy fall out of it, made me feel physically ill. I still don't know why it would effect me. I'm the fighter-jock glory hound who's never been near any actual blood. I had no reason to get upset, but tears filled my eyes. 

I told Shelly there was no way in hell our son was having a party where he attacked a Humvee with a bat. She was surprised at my reaction. Not nearly as surprised as I was. [...] [p. 206]

"Everyone has their own war," I like to say. In other words, everyone has their own experience of it. Collectively, this book helps tell that story, while also illuminating how individually varied those experiences can be.

Read it. You'll be surprised.

Sherpa's Ever-Lovin' List of 2013 Holiday Gift Ideas

Just in time for the annual economic warfare of Cyber Monday, here's a list of Sherpa's favorite gift recommendations for the 2013 holiday shopping season:

FOR THE YOUNGEST RECRUITS:

• Baby clothes. Military veteran and illustrator Aaron Provost was recently amused to find his "War Decor" series of T-shirts and wall art was also available as kids clothing. Consider the many possible interpretations of an "Embrace the Suck" onesie ... Genius!

*****

FOR TOMORROW'S DRONE AND MRAP DRIVERS ...

• Miniature MRAP vehicles. If your favorite Army communicator hasn't already separated themselves from the rest of the convoy with Too Many Antennas, try the bright-orange OshKosh M-ATV found in the 2013 Battle 5-Pack from Matchbox. (Orange is the branch color of the U.S. Army Signal Corps!) Also included in the pack are: a 1998 Jeep Wrangler; an olive-drab 1957 GMC Stepside Pickup; a lemony Humvee with TOW-missile launcher; and a futuristic-looking "Armored Response Vehicle." Available separately as a single toy, look for a 2013 International MXT in desert tan. For Red Bull Rising reviews of previous years' Matchbox offerings, click here, here and here.

• Remotely piloted toys. Develop hand-and-eye coordination and military-applicable skills with the "Air Hogs" Bomb-Dropping Remote-Control helicopter or Battle Tracker Elite combo set. The latter even features a ground-based missile-firing anti-aircraft emplacement!

• Young-adult books written by a former "Red Bull." Author Trent Reedy's young-adult novel "Words in the Dust" is recently available in paperback. Inspired by Reedy's 2005 deployment to Afghanistan as an Iowa National Guard citizen-soldier, the book tells the story of a 13-year-old Afghan girl's struggles with injury and hardship. For ages 10 to 14. Also, although not available until late January 2014, book No. 1 of Reedy's "Divided We Fall" trilogy of thrillers contains citizen-soldier themes, and is certain to appeal to a wide range of young-adult readers.

*****

FOR 'RED BULL' HISTORY BUFFS ...

• A powerful all-ages comic book. "Journey of Heroes: The Story of 100th Inf. Bn. 442nd Regimental Combat Team" graphic novel by Stacey Hayashi and Damon Wong. The 30-page comic tells the stories of Japanese-American soldiers who enlisted to serve their country after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. The units fought as part of U.S. 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division in World War II Italy. Suitable for ages 10 and up. Read a Red Bull Rising review here.

• A "Red Bull" movie about war and memory. "Memorial Day" (2012) feature film on DVD and Blu-ray. The 2012 film tells a story of service that bridges generations, between World War II Europe and the Red Bull in Iraq. Rated R for some war violence. Read a Red Bull Rising review here.

• A true story of "Red Bull" resilience. Written by Jim Kosmo and John Kresel, "Still Standing: The Story of SSG John Kriesel" is an inspirational non-fiction story of an Iraq War veteran as he recovers from from his injuries. Read the Red Bull Rising review here.

*****

FOR READERS OF MILITARY FICTION, NON-FICTION, AND/OR POETRY ...

• An anthology (or two) of modern military literature. Published last month, "Proud to Be: Writing by American Warriors, Vol. 2" is the second collection of military writing and art by veterans, service members, and supporters published by the Southeast Missouri State University Press. The first volume continues to be available as well. Each is a great survey of voices about military experiences, from World War II to present-day conflicts. Full disclosure, however: The writer of this blog has material that appears in each volume.

• A subscription to a quarterly sampler of new military writing. Published by the Veterans Writing Project, "O-Dark-Thirty" provides insights and inspirations for both readers and writers of military fiction, non-fiction, and poetry. Single issues are available for $10; a 4-issue subscriptions are $30; click here for details. For a Red Bull Rising review of previous issues, click here and here.

*****

FOR GROWN-UP MILITARY ENTHUSIASTS WHO STILL READ COMIC BOOKS ...

• A new comic book about combat-camera soldiers. The first issue of the "Tilt-Shift: The Quiet Profession" comic book is now available as digital-only publication via ComiXology. Written by Jose Torres, penciled by Josh Hood, inked by Michael Babinski, colored by Michael Spicer, and lettered by Thomas Mauer. For a 13-page preview of the issue on Facebook, click here.

• An R-rated Nick Fury war comic. Published by Marvel Comics, "Fury MAX" is an adults-only update to the iconic Nick Fury character of the 1960s and '70s. Available in trade paperback (Volume 1 and Volume 2) or digital monthlies on ComiXology here.

• A realistic covert-ops title. Published by Image Comics, "The Activity" is a realistic covert-ops team thriller in trade paperback. Available in trade paperback (Volume 1 and Volume 2) or digital on Comixology. Notably, Volume 2 contains a story regarding a terrorist attack on Minneapolis—that's "Red Bull" Division territory!

*****

FOR SUBSCRIBERS TO 'BETTER HOOTCHES AND GARDENS' ...

• Military art ... or a hand-grenade throw pillow. As mentioned above, military veteran and illustrator Aron Provost offers an affordable line of military art prints, as well as separate line of "War Decor" inspirational sayings. Want to start an interior design insurrection? Try an "Embrace the Suck" or hand-grenade throw pillow!

• A tactical stocking. From Fight and Flight Tactical, this tricked-out over-sized footgear is perfect for hanging by the Range Control fireplace with care. It includes enough hook-and-loop tape, elastic cords, and load-carrying loops for plenty of holiday chemlights and candy canes.

• A wall calendar ... or two! An official 2014 "Doctrine Man!!" or "Schlock Mercenary" cartoon calendar will demonstrate your sense of humor, if not your combat proficiency or good taste. Each artist specializes in pithy observations and military-themed maxims. Get a calendar from each: One for home and one for work!

*****

FOR STRATEGIC PLANNERS AND NEVER-SAY-DIE WAR-GAMERS ...

• A provocative coffee mug. From the military movers and thinkers at the Doctrine Man!! web comic, a "Planning Fundamentals" and/or "Clausewitz Bros. Coffee" mug will increase the average IQ of any military staff meeting. At least, that's what the staff thinks.

• Mil-themed stategy mags. A subscription to "Modern War" magazine by Decision Games' Strategy and Tactics Press, or "Armchair General" magazine. Each features historical and speculative scenarios for war-gaming.

• A counterinsurgency-themed game. At $78, the Afghanistan-focused "A Distant Plain" from GMT Games is probably a little expensive for casual would-be nation-builders, but that itself might be an appropriate lesson-learned, too. For 1 to 4 players. For reviews of the game, click here and here.